Summer is ending and it will be a relief for me

Well the children return to school next week and that means I made it through the summer. The weather mirrored my mood some times warm and sunny often dark and gloomy.

I have been working hard on the cbt and have had the last 3 weeks off ... a thought that at one time would have made me panic and sent me over the edge but now .... well I have barely noticed.

I have been reading back over my blogs and i see huge changes in them, my physical situation isnt much better but what i have found is that I have grown ... Im no longer an uncertain girl clinging to the past.

I still have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing but I know that when i get to where i'm going it will be me that arrives .... there is no more pretending to be what I'm not any more.

Despite believing Im worthless and despite a core fear of being difficult and too much work to care about. I am seeing that the opposite is true. I have worth and i have potential to have so much more. I will fail at times, I cant alway be perfect but that doesnt mean I'm not a good person, no matter what my family thinks

to quote Marilyn Monroe ....... I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell dont deserve me at my best.

I'm lucky to be loved, Im lucky to have some great friends, I'm even learning to be comfortable with my family. The rest will fall in place, in time the rest will work itself out.... but developing the strong sense of self is time well spent

Thank you all of you who have stayed with me and reminded me that I am not what i thought I was xxxxxxxx