Happy birthday litle girl!

On June 13th 2000 at 1022am a baby girl was removed from me .... for 13 seconds there was silence .... as they tried to get her to breathe

This baby was alway meant to be a fighter ... I was not able to have children (they told me that when I was 14!) .... I had a drunken encounter with a man I shouldnt have (condom used!) ... I drank heavily took substances that I shouldnt ... never ate or slept ..... forced myself into corsets and danced for hours most nights ...... I was 22 weeks pregnant before I knew it .....

knowing I was didnt make me stop ...... I couldnt!!!

I had my first pre-natal check the day before my daughter was born ... I had been rushed to hospital I was so ill ..... I had pre eclampsia. The baby was traverse and i had placenta previa ... had I gone into labour naturally my baby would have died.... and possibly me too! I was rushed in for a emergency c-section.

In those 13 seconds my world stopped the silence was deafening ..... I hadnt even met her and I knew I had to survive ....and so did she .... then came the cry ...

a noise I was to hear a lot more from that point ... a noise I would go on to hate ... but at that moment my old life stopped and my new one started.

The last 9 years have been a rollercoaster .... ups and downs highs and lows ..... but I seem to have got her through in one piece

As I kissed my birthday girl tonight I looked down at a 9 year old girl ... who everyday amazes me and I realise again that I created a miracle and she fought to be with me .... and I fought to be with her

Of all the things I have achieved in my life her and her little brother are my greatest works

Happy 9th birthday my shining star ....................xxxx

A little bit of everything....

So here I am ... Shame I dont know where 'here' is!

Im not sure I even know where 'there' was ... I remember there was dancing ... singing ... and parties that would blow your mind. There was people many many people all playing their part ... and me there in the middle.

Then there was the silence .... despite the strange buzzing in my ear!

But all that is over now .....

Now Im an ex-dancer .... I do not perform ... well .....not for the public!

In a moment of sanity .... (or maybe in hindsight it was insanity) I retrained as a psychologist!

That ended too!

Now Im an ex-dancing psychologist with a plan .... well at least a thought and maybe as I go along it will become a plan .....

Stick with me its going to be a fun journey .... Oh and the stories I could tell you!!!!!